The morning is always a unclear time, before the coffee kicks in and the brain starts to function I am always confused. What will the day bring, what will we do, how often will I call my husband at work? I wake and am greeted by three black cats, one whom presently has his paw in my mouth, a moaning, drooling husband and a child who has shed his diaper and is going commando around the house. Did I really think it was going to be like Doris Day? I think I did. Where are the singing birds? Why isn’t my hair and make-up perfectly done? Plastic scrambled eggs and a house that shows no evidence of a family ever having been there. No, not for me. Runny scrambled eggs, burnt toast, hungry cats, confused husband and my son’s naked butt.
And so the silence lay like a blissful martini above my mind but no. It was not a martini or some dream of life and love and thoughts of past, present, future.
Yes. I was dreaming of the universe. Very, very large. And very much not a passing drink.
Everything for me is measured in volumes as like so many people whom are allotted; I self medicate.
This dream like so many others always comes at just the right time. And this dream, unlike so many others was just enough to change my mind.
But this dream was followed by a friend. And I do not believe in friends, only foes. And I do not believe in dreams only dark. But I can share this as well as any medication.
To float out in the “UNIVERSE”? Pretty fucking scary. We have all see Alien-Alien 3 right?
This floating? Not so scary for me and mind me peoples’ I had an ambulance once pick me up on the side of the freeway for a “panic attack”. Yes, 500 $$$ bill to boot for that 6 mile trip to the ER to hear my brain had some minor “problems” with controlling my ability to cope with stress and was handing out adrenaline to my blood stream like a drunk bartender. Shit, I thought grim was a knocking on the side of my pretty white honda. I digress…
I am floating around in this solar system and the beauty it bestow is beyond letters put together purposefully. The clam sense of anti fear, anti worry and anti heartache is much greater than any dream dare provide before. As my pudgy body floats aimlessly out of the solar system into the universe I am gently confronted by a large undefined face forming out of what looks like space dust (cheesy I know but bare with me).
Simple as can be, in a strong voice neither guy nor gal, the face speaks to me lovingly of accepting my life and enjoying all experience, good or bad, simply because it is the experience that is needed to grow. It speaks of no fear as fear is attached to the body and is discarded after death. It speaks of after the physical death when what is left of the consciousness makes its way back to great beyond to a entirely different existence. Of life, love, pain, fear, misery, loss, happiness all being generally the same only seen through milllions of different eyes.
What can be said? It was one of those very personal things that I have decided to post on my blog because I am an ass.
As for the friend that followed.
We all know I love wolves beyond all things and hold them in the highest esteem. Well, the morning after the dream, purly by coincidence I followed a van all the way back to my home that had a huge picture of a wolf on the back staring right at me. I just know it was a sign as wolves are my “spirit guides”. I know the driver of that van felt something too, shortly before he pegged me as a stocker after I cut off another car to remain behind him.
I will blog in efforts to become a better person and express my ideas to absolutly no one (as none read my tiny, deprived, selfish little blog). I guess I could go on and on about why I have decided to continue with this sorely neglected blog of mine that waits for a post like a woman waits for an orgasm but instead I will simply say; my mother has had a blog a year less than myself and written in it over and over again (yes, a very satisfied blog) and I have let mine be a fancy passing in my somewhat delusional life.
My mommy has outdone me! (This is why they encourage home schooling (smart mommy’s))
No longer will I sit in the shadows of her editorial perfect, prestigious, profound, well-developed, intellegent (not “I can retort” intellegence but real independent free thinking intellegence), passionate blog.
I will now rise above to spew forth a very not intelligent, not profound and very un-developed blog.
How dare my mommy out do me!
So lets see what happens when opinions meet fire meet fingers meet blog.
Will my brutal honesty be the folly or simply the teaser?
Will I look like an ass or like an ass that owns an ass whom is owned by an ass?
Will anything make sense in the end of the end that starts the beginning of the end of another end?
Tune in next week for more of my mental bowl movements.