Signing Off

It is like a knife so I take a knife to my flesh and soul. Blood comes through the seams. The storm has past and I lay half dead and tired. God can have me now to send to hell. Go and take me God.

Take me GOD. Come and get me and send this unbaptized baby to HELL.

For I am lost in the madness of my mind.

I have lost.

Come get me God. For you must have the desire to send this bitch to the screaming ends of hell.

For all I have loved and lost you must judge me all the same and relinquish me to the minds of man.

I believed in YOU. Now you must come and get me. I am in the breath of madness.

Cut quick and clean. If I see tomorrow then we shall see if you are what they say you are.

I pray they are mistaken. I believed you were better than this. I believe in YOU. But the mind of man has taken you from my lips and now man’s word is pouring from your spirit.

So take me and my unbaptized, unloved, blasphemous soul. Take me to the pits of hell. I have seen the pits in my dreams. If you want me there then I go.

My God. Have mercy on my soul.

Am I God?

God is simply and most safely a “person” we imagine that holds a mirror to ourselves. So that we may look in that mirror and see who we are, bit by bit, thought by thought, emotion by emotion, wrinkle by wrinkle. In this mirror we see ourselves, only ourselves viewed by and judged by; only ourselves.

God is the person we envision being their as we see ourselves in all honesty, in all nakedness and truth. God is very simply a inner image of someone that sees us as we see ourselves and loves us anyway. This person that god is. Well, he (or she, or it or whatever it is that you see) is the person holding the mirror that only we see that does not judge, or comment on, or scold. God is us seeing the true image of what we are and hoping that that is good enough. God is us, we are god. To only god can you pray but only you will hear these prayers as only god can hear.

God is the only person you can trust. Your instinct and your mind, your heart and your truth. Never allow another man to tell you who is god.

Only you know who god is. As god only speaks to you. Every man has a different view of god and yes, god talks to every man. Not two, three , four men. Every single human is spoken to by god alone. You see?

Only you can hear the words of god as they are meant to you.

To tell others that they can only accept the words that god has said to only you is false and against god.

God speaks to everyone. In their own language.

God is the only one in the room of my mind, god is there with me as I hold the mirror to myself, only god and I know who I am.

See? God does not rule us, god does. Ourselves trying to comprehend something so simple we started wars for it, raped children for it, beat women for it, and killed innocents for it. And “it” is bad. Not god but bad men. Bad, bad men.

god is ourselves, crying to be seen by all, but unheard still.

“And in likeness, we were created”.

Anonymous. Published. 2006

Road Rage

THE MOMENT:

Asshole meets me.

He loved my bumper. He was so sexually attracted to my bumper he tried to kiss it. He got so close to my bumper it thought it was with child. I was only going 70 in a 65 zone and I was just trying to pass a truck but NO! Asshole could not abide by my truck passing, he decided to inject me with some of his hot masculine tailgating and swearing on the road (with eye contact) at stupid “bitches” (oh so I think that is what the third finger in on the right hand means).

WHY did I lag speed? Why did I humor him? Why not pull over on the side of the road and lick my wounds at the nearest bar?

I did not lick my wounds. I dropped to a slow 55 in a 65 zone and made the bastard suffer. He had no way out and I was heading the pack. He was mad when after several miles I allowed him to pass.

My road rage is no gun, nor a middle finger, nor a heart attack. I simply will fight for what is mine, the right to drive on the damn road my taxes pay for. No middle aged, power hungry, small penis asshole can take that from me.

Why the hell did I do that? Because I am tired of being pushed around by some stupid asshole that I do not know that makes me feel like shit just because, like most of us, I am trying to maintain peace and obey the laws on this planet. I want to go fast. Oh, I want to speed, shit, I want to run over people but I don’t. When I pass I smile and when I merge in front of someone I wave (whether they made room for me or not).

Why did I even bother my day with this asshole?

Because I am a petty, stupid, sensitive and compassionate idiot that simply cares too much about what is happening around me and all the other poor, peaceful idiots that care about what is happening to them.

The Universe Spoke

And so the silence lay like a blissful martini above my mind but no. It was not a martini or some dream of life and love and thoughts of past, present, future.

Yes. I was dreaming of the universe. Very, very large. And very much not a passing drink.

Everything for me is measured in volumes as like so many people whom are allotted; I self medicate.

This dream like so many others always comes at just the right time. And this dream, unlike so many others was just enough to change my mind.

But this dream was followed by a friend. And I do not believe in friends, only foes. And I do not believe in dreams only dark. But I can share this as well as any medication.

To float out in the “UNIVERSE”? Pretty fucking scary. We have all see Alien-Alien 3 right?

This floating? Not so scary for me and mind me peoples’ I had an ambulance once pick me up on the side of the freeway for a “panic attack”. Yes, 500 $$$ bill to boot for that 6 mile trip to the ER to hear my brain had some minor “problems” with controlling my ability to cope with stress and was handing out adrenaline to my blood stream like a drunk bartender. Shit, I thought grim was a knocking on the side of my pretty white honda. I digress…

I am floating around in this solar system and the beauty it bestow is beyond letters put together purposefully. The clam sense of anti fear, anti worry and anti heartache is much greater than any dream dare provide before. As my pudgy body floats aimlessly out of the solar system into the universe I am gently confronted by a large undefined face forming out of what looks like space dust (cheesy I know but bare with me).

Simple as can be, in a strong voice neither guy nor gal, the face speaks to me lovingly of accepting my life and enjoying all experience, good or bad, simply because it is the experience that is needed to grow. It speaks of no fear as fear is attached to the body and is discarded after death. It speaks of after the physical death when what is left of the consciousness makes its way back to great beyond to a entirely different existence. Of life, love, pain, fear, misery, loss, happiness all being generally the same only seen through milllions of different eyes.

What can be said? It was one of those very personal things that I have decided to post on my blog because I am an ass.

As for the friend that followed.

We all know I love wolves beyond all things and hold them in the highest esteem. Well, the morning after the dream, purly by coincidence I followed a van all the way back to my home that had a huge picture of a wolf on the back staring right at me. I just know it was a sign as wolves are my “spirit guides”. I know the driver of that van felt something too, shortly before he pegged me as a stocker after I cut off another car to remain behind him.