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Really?!

I have long held my angers, judgement and flat out irate rantings about the folly of human kind. Right now I would like to write it out, let it move through me and offend many people. For those people I offend… fuck you. For ONCE in my life I could care less. I have stopped thinking about you, helping you, sacrificing myself for you.

Human beings are a mass of disease. Horrid things we are. For all you blonde. bimbo bomb shells, please… kill yourselves. For all you ego stated men of pleasure, please… kill yourselves. Just do us all a favor. Become a Saint and sacrifice yourself unto the will of whatever pathetic God you believe in. I am so sick of this shit.

I am just a middle aged, fat, ugly human. Woman with a cunt… as you fuckers say.

Kiss my ass.

I wanted my husband home tonight. Made him a wonderful dinner, I have been taking my meds you see, I am a “good” wife now. But the meds do not change how I feel. Why do humans demand so much? Why do we have so many children? Why do we suffer and blame a nameless, empty God? My husband is out making a living. Every second he is away he misses me, does the best by me and his child. Why is this happening? Why has society accepted this “norm”? I may be a bitch with an illness but I am a bitch that loves my husband and child. I am a bitch that wants to be with them, both of them, everyday without the threat of outside crap.

My husband loves his job. I love his job but I miss him. He works harder and harder to support us.  I miss him more and more. I would give anything that society was not so ignorant with a lying government and shit for brains democracy.

Why? Why for this small pathetic life, can I not just live and enjoy it? Why do human fucking beings take so much from each other? It is pathetic how much so many try to become God. Money, power, control. Fuck it all,

Just want my family. No fancy restaurant, no massage, no T.V. show, no maids. I just want to be with my family. I would like the ones who need ” more” to kindly fuck off. Really. Human bastards. Fuck off. And take your money and religious domination with you.

Sorry hubby. I am ranting. I am keeping the potatoes warm for you. 🙂

*edit* I am sorry about the rant post. I had always dreamed of something better than this. I for some reason thought it would all be cuddling with my husband and child, cooking with my adopted uncle, talking with my mother and laughing with my father over oysters. Life is beautiful but something is fucking it up… am I the only one who sees this? I do not think I am. March on my friends. I will bring the muffins and soul fire.

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Am I really that bad?

Yes. Yes.

I am a horror of a human being.

I am really “that bad”.

I am someone that people speak of with disgust.

Even my friends have judged me so completely. I love and trust these people, so if they think I am bad. Then I am.

How can I change what I am?

I cannot.

So now I know how others see me and who I am.

I am just another piece of no name shit that has caused others pain. The people that I cannot stand are just like me. Worthless, blood sucking, useless… let me think…I really for a micro second thought I was a some what decent human being. But no, I am just like Sarah Palin. A utter, complete, mindless, useless, soul sucking cunt.

I am just a worthless, problem causing bitch.

I am so ashamed to be me.

I am pretty fucking worthless.

Cheers.

(A few days later) – Upon reflection of this blog I feel obligated to mention that at the time of posting I was very manic and under the influence of a very heavy sickening microbrew. Also comments made about me were over a year ago so I am just being a sensitive, self pitting punk ass. As for the comments on Palin – I retract nothing.

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Kill Baby Kill

So you are all headed out to “bag” some wolves. Lets look at this…in detail. I’ve had a couple beers and I don’t mind writing like a tree hugging, dirt worshipin’ bitch.

On the left side of the ring is The Hunter.

On the right (oh yeah, pun intended) side of the ring is The Wolf.

This may take more than one blog post. The wolf is my spirit guide after all. I should do my part. I will try to remain calm and neutral even though we all know that I can’t and won’t.

First up The Hunter and for this we will have to go into the “mind” of the man in his pretty hunting gear with his pretty gun. We may have to save wolves for another blog post. While I believe there is not much to The Hunters mind, I do believe he is backed up by many a government officials, so they too, will have to be analyzed.

“Montana has sold 7,120 wolf licenses. “The system is working, and hunters are excited to have the opportunity,” Jim Unsworth, deputy director of the Idaho department, said in a statement.” – Kim Murphy Los Angeles Times

– So, making money off of the licences? Underlying motive? I think so. What is a life worth these days? Excited Hunters? No shit!

“An Eagle, Idaho, man was cited for poaching Tuesday when he shot a wolf on a public road from the back of his pickup truck in an area not open for wolf hunting. The man told officers he thought he was in a legal zone until he later checked a map. The wolf was a small female, still a pup, according to the fish and game department.” – Kim Murphy Los Angeles Times

– Woops. Thats ok. She was just a pup after all.

“One of the first hunters to report a wolf kill in Idaho, Robert Millage of Kamiah, Idaho, said he had been flooded with hostile e-mails and phone calls calling him a wolf murderer and a fat redneck. “I have a thick skin and a good sense of humor. What am I going to do, yell back at them?” he told the Lewiston Tribune. “I obeyed the law and did what [the Idaho Department of] Fish and Game wanted us to do. I can sleep well.” – Kim Murphy Los Angeles Times

-Sleep baby sleep. The law will protect you. Oh wait, the law USE to protect wolves until they became inconvenient and turned a profit. Don’t worry Robert, I am sure they will take care of you when your old, inconvenient and sucking up the governments money. How is your retirement plan anyway?

” State wildlife officials say wolves have killed a fifth hunting dog in Clark County and other dogs have been injured. Three packs of wolves have been linked with killing hunting dogs this year.” – USA Today

– An eye for an eye? Wolves are very territorial. Why is the life of a dog worth more than a life of a wolf? Because people hate wolves and love dogs? People.. we may be getting somewhere now. People, population, land control. If we put the wolves somewhere and they want another square foot, they will have to pay. With their lives. But I thought people were God? We are arn’t we? We get to decide who lives and dies. Yea! We are God now.

I am going to continue this blog post. I think it may take a few. I want to get something clear. I know there are “good” hunters out there. Yes, you know who you are. Wolves are a form of “population control” for the vegan wildlife that in large populations can destroy an environment. However, wolves have it bred into their blood, what they are meant to do. They hunt and kill the sick and the weak of the herd. Yes, they are selective killers. I think they are confused, they can no longer do their job as we control them and their herds. Good hunters kill AND eat the animal in question. GOOD hunters kill quickly and do NOT take trophies. Good hunters keep the balance that is hunter vs. hunted. The problem as I see it is that we really think we can “control” any situation that involves wildlife. I place before the court. If the wolves are eating the cattle, they are hungry. Why are they hungry? We hunt their game and control it. They hunt the cattle. Wait. Hunting cattle? Whats to hunt? They don’t move to much. We take their land and put cattle on it. We hunt their food and put cattle on it. What will they eat? Cattle.

We are wrong. We are a sick race. This is just a pissing contest. I think we are threatened because the wolves are just to close to the top of our precious food chain.

P.S. Sarah Palin is an ignorant tyrant.

Robert Millage of Kamiah, Idaho. The first in Idaho to bag the "beast". Congrats.
Robert Millage of Kamiah, Idaho. The first in Idaho to bag the "beast". Congrats. (Source: Robert Millage via Associated Press / Los Angeles Times)

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Hair I am

I cut my hair today. Finally the inches and inches of it. All gone. I never cut my hair. It has been to this date nine years since I have cut it.

When my father died I took off 7 inches of my beautiful Lakota hair. Today I cut off ten.

I watched my mother in a full blown panic attack and realized that she and I have had enough. She and I have been to hell (only to go straight back). The hair is bundled and ready for the ocean. I took my hair to the ocean nine years ago for my daddy. Now I cut it again. My Grandmother past away this last month but in truth, that has nothing to do with anything that comes to my silly hair.

I cut my hair to invoke change, to acknowledge change, to become one with it.

I am within public display of my horrid, painful folly.

I cut my hair because the past is dead. Because the past has become so painful I cannot breathe.

I cut off the past, I found my husbands arms covered with my own tears. Without the past I do not know who I am. My hair is gone, my beauty, my pride. Now I feel worthless. Now I can become worthlessness. I only can accept that I am what I am with or without my precious hair.

If I had balls, they would be very engorged. It took all of my strength to cut my past from myself and face still, my own face. Hair or no hair, God or no God, dreams or no dream.

I could feel the knife upon my vein (oh, how I wanted it). I can still feel the clean cut that severs me from all of this.  But I took the blade to my hair, not to my life.

Death screams to me but I chose to sever the ghost of the past. Not sever the ghost of the future.

Blade covered with hair, not blood. I am satisfied by this.

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Road Rage

THE MOMENT:

Asshole meets me.

He loved my bumper. He was so sexually attracted to my bumper he tried to kiss it. He got so close to my bumper it thought it was with child. I was only going 70 in a 65 zone and I was just trying to pass a truck but NO! Asshole could not abide by my truck passing, he decided to inject me with some of his hot masculine tailgating and swearing on the road (with eye contact) at stupid “bitches” (oh so I think that is what the third finger in on the right hand means).

WHY did I lag speed? Why did I humor him? Why not pull over on the side of the road and lick my wounds at the nearest bar?

I did not lick my wounds. I dropped to a slow 55 in a 65 zone and made the bastard suffer. He had no way out and I was heading the pack. He was mad when after several miles I allowed him to pass.

My road rage is no gun, nor a middle finger, nor a heart attack. I simply will fight for what is mine, the right to drive on the damn road my taxes pay for. No middle aged, power hungry, small penis asshole can take that from me.

Why the hell did I do that? Because I am tired of being pushed around by some stupid asshole that I do not know that makes me feel like shit just because, like most of us, I am trying to maintain peace and obey the laws on this planet. I want to go fast. Oh, I want to speed, shit, I want to run over people but I don’t. When I pass I smile and when I merge in front of someone I wave (whether they made room for me or not).

Why did I even bother my day with this asshole?

Because I am a petty, stupid, sensitive and compassionate idiot that simply cares too much about what is happening around me and all the other poor, peaceful idiots that care about what is happening to them.