What is wanting? I want all of the time. Today I felt the hunger of want.
Hunger burned my lips and scared my words.
All of my life, all that I possess, all that I claim. I still hunger.
I hunger for him.
My father.
Tonight I missed him in ways I thought not possible. Tonight everyone was my enemy but him. I have failed everything. I have failed my life. People look at me and I hate it, they judge me, they demand of me and they deny me. But him. He was the only honest relationship I have ever had. My father carried no false pretenses and he made known his intentions.
Dear Robert.
Today in all means was not the best of days. But I miss you. I shouldn’t have picked up the camera. Do you think I should have the Minolta fixed even though I have the Nikon? The guy at the shop told me to screw the Minolta because it would cost to much to fix but I think I should do it anyway. What do you think? Our friends were going to come over an hour ago, are they still coming? Sometimes I really believe that no one will know us, you me, mom and Brandon. Sometimes I feel so alone. I like Bobby, actually quite love him. I think that you and Bobby would have gotten along, straight on. Bobby is the only father I will ever know, other than you. You would love him. The moss on mom’s roof is still there, should we scrap it off? Where are you? Brandon still wants to meet you. I miss you. Like I said, today, not a great day. But a day none the less. I had a nasty dream about Steve last night. What’s he up to anyway? I still cannot forgive him. Anyways, my room mate is pissing me off so I am going to go and retreat to the garage. Love you.
-Cass
Who knew how long I would want? I want, want and want. I want him. Hell, I want it all.